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Questions January 18, 2007

Posted by mervatabuelkheir in Faculty Life.
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This week, I began to seriously question my route in life and where it’s taking me. I long thought that I had some clue to what I want. Not anymore obviously. Do I want to continue working at the university? If not, then where’s my real passion? When I was younger, I thought a lot about acting or a career in music playing. At other times I thought about venturing into the business world. At other times, all what I could think of is going to a small town and work a trivial job that would make me able to read and play music most of the time. But university seemed like an open opportunity that was available and it seemed stupid to refuse it. Well, I’m not saying that at the first couple of years I didn’t enjoy work. On the contrary, it was very gratifying to see that you can help students better understand science and give them the incentive to work on their strengths. It was fun enough to read new topics every semester and accept the challenge a student poses when he or she asks a question that’s out of the lesson’s scope. It felt cool to surf the net looking for add-ons to a certain subject that would make it more interesting for the students and lure them to listen. All that was great, even the sound of it now makes it feel great and makes me wonder; did I really lose interest in this challenging job? Or is it just boredom of the whole thing? There seems to be no clear answer to the questions, but suffice it to say the outcome is all the same. I’m sick to the very tip of my head of working, and that’s why I began to wonder about what I really want to do with my life.

Ready To Launch! January 12, 2007

Posted by mervatabuelkheir in Faculty Life.
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Today, I begin to correct the modifications that my thesis supervisor pointed out for me. I also will start refreshing my memory on music theory and principles and start to read the huge amount of history articles and books that I’ve collected over the last couple of years. Wow!!! All that must begin today, and time is approaching midnight!

The problem with me is that I’m a night person, my energy reaches its highest levels after 6 pm, but the delimma I’m having is the job hours which usually require an early riser. But I’m beginning to handle this problem with moderating my late-nights and trying to sleep less than 8 hours a day. So my day usually starts at 10 am and ends at 4 am.

Now, what’s with all these tasks? First of all, the most important task on my agenda is the thesis modifications. Some of the chapters require a thorough review, while some are quite good in their current state. But the problem is that both my supervisors are not satisfied with the results output graphs. Well, what can I do? That’s how the results came out! But obviously I have to work my way around this somehow. I still have almost a month before I have to deliver the final version to the discussion committee, so I’m in luck to have sometime to fix the results problem. They told me that one of the committee members is a very knowledgable professor, if only I could ask him before the final show 🙂 .

Now we come to the music theory and history stuff, well, this is only a way to boost my morales because I’ve postponed practicing my hobbies for too long, because of the faculty pressing hours and the thesis practical part (the application). I’ve decided to delay these activities no longer, I really need to get out of the work mood for a while. I need to feel that I can live a normal life that’s not centered arount my job. Above all, I decided to break the circle of a long depression that’s been eating at my soul. My plan is to have two hours for both activitie and increasingly extending the time as I make progress in my thesis modifications.

But, there’s another task that needs to be done properly, which is the optimization of my application, I need to put the different classes and modules in order, I need to compress the code more, and I need to build a suitable user interface. I still don’t knw if I have the guts to do this, because I don’t want to pull what’s left of my hair! Writing that code was a living hell to me, because I was totally alone and a novice in Java. But hopefully now that my thesis is almost over and done with, I’ll be able to relax when I look at the code once more.

I hope, really hope, that I can pull this off nicely without problems in the thesis deadline. Because, I admit, I’m beginning to like it better to do the fun stuff that to do the work stuff.

Have a good night!