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Master Defense May 25, 2007

Posted by mervatabuelkheir in Important Milestones.
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So, it’s been a couple of days since I “defended” my Master thesis. I’m gradually gaining back a measure of my equilibrium to believe that it did happen and that I won’t have my Master questioned anymore (at least not formally). I couldn’t believe how much nervous I was that day until I saw the video and realized I don’t want to go through with it a second time. The pictures were nice because mostly they captured happy snapshots, not the “real-time” sweat and tattering. Altogether, I’m immensely happy it’s over although I’d like to go back in time and fix all the mistakes I made. But I guess a part of the past’s beauty is that it’s not fixable and it stands there behind your back kicking you in the “posterior” every once in a while. Well, I did not come all this way through life without learning to live with my “blaming self” and shutting it whenever it gets loud enough to interrupt my peace of mind. And I have to enjoy the freedom – temporary as it is – of not having a homework to feel guilty about when neglected.
Speaking of “real-time”, one of the referees commented that he didn’t see where the real time detection is in my proposed framework, well, I didn’t know how to respond to that. If he was asking about how my system works in real time then it was pretty obvious that data is captured and analyzed as soon as it is formatted. If he was talking about my experiments, well, they were real time but on a miniature level, since the data was not “real” but was replayed to look like it. Maybe I didn’t make my work clear enough 😦
Bottom line is I’m free to shake all this out of my system and move on to new frontiers, hopefully relax a little bit and regain my focus and purpose, and see what I can do to improve myself personally and professionally.
It’s not the end of road as the song says, it’s a turn in the road that’s still ahead.

Defense May 9, 2007

Posted by mervatabuelkheir in Important Milestones.
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Today I learnt that my Master defense date is the 20th this month, and I wasn’t sure what to feel. A part of me wanted to say “Woppa!!” and yet I couldn’t completely feel thrilled. I hate to defend my statements; I suck at defense, mostly because I don’t believe in a lot of the things I say and I’m only saying them out of necessity or out of experience (usually unpleasant!), and partly because I don’t resort to reason and instead go all emotional about what I think. What makes this worse is that I don’t really think that I’m entitled to have a say or a suggestion in the scientific arena, who am I to do it?! I look up to people like Newton and Einstein and say “Wow how the human mind can work in the most brilliant ways!!” I believe that a comprehensive guidance from a true scientist can make us “good and methodological thinkers,” and because I feel that I don’t have that then I should sit at home and learn from scratch how to think like a scientist; how to be cool, logical, and calculating instead of passionate and nervous.
This will go to trash of course because I’ll go and “defend” my so-called Master work, hopefully I won’t miss things up, and more hopefully, I’m just undermining my potential in advance as a precautionary action so I wouldn’t be so upset if others thought my work isn’t that good.